Shine Your Shoes

 

Last week spurred this blogpost as I was at my monthly girl's dinner party and of course we were discussing men and relationships along with all that comes with that.  It's an amazing group and it's nice to share our experiences as women, as professionals, as mothers and as friends. We often have a chuckle at the dating scene as a 30-40-50 something year old, as it is full of surprises and definitely provides great dinner party fodder. Let's face it, Winnipeg is a small, small, very small city, and it would be advisable to remember that in how you, as daters, should be accountable for your actions. The other side of that is, as daters, you should be prepared for the consequences of your dating actions as well. Be accountable people! At the end of the day, you have to laugh at most of the stuff or you would cry. 

Dating these days is a crap shoot, no matter what age. I hear the issues my kid's friends have, I hear the issues my own friends and family have, and I listen intently to the issues and hesitations my clients have. Yes, if you haven't looked at my website, and my coaching categories, I am a relationship, mostly a dating coach. (CharisOnDating) I feel for all of them, I know what it's like, been there done it, got the medal for surviving it. Dating is a very complicated adventure at any age. This is especially true if you are middle-age with children, step-children, ex-spouses, assets, divorces, careers and a shitload of baggage. Truthfully, we all have baggage, no matter how old you are, accept that and you are well on your way.  In the end it's about how you handle and manage your baggage, that's what you should be analyzing when you're interviewing your next dating prospect.  

The first thing I always work on with my dating clients is the always, who they are and what they are bringing to the table. What lies within... To my core, I believe that no one can be truly happy in any relationship unless you are first and foremost, happy with yourself. That's a tall order nowadays. There is so much pressure out in the world to be superhuman, to be perfect, to be everything to everyone. Just in case you weren't aware of it, NONE of us fit this bill, and nor should we want to. My clients and I work on how they can feel confident and exude that in their daily lives. We work on how to present themselves in all aspects of their life, working on creating the best version of themselves as possible.  We work on negative thought processes and change them to positive, we turn around debilitating behaviours and learn how those behaviours are blocking their ability to move forward.

In many cases, we do a style make-over. Trust me when I say, the market is steep out there, no matter what age you are, presentation is paramount. Many times that comes along with a reality check about expectations around dating. I'm all for waiting until you find the person that fits the best with you, but making sure your expectations are valid is so important. Many of the things we are able to change, don't cost an arm and a leg but are deal breakers to many that are out there actively looking for a partner. Just to mention a few: TEETH, HAIR, GLASSES, and CLOTHING. Teeth I find get the most points in the thumbs down category, in this day and age, there is no reason to have bad teeth. Hair, easy fix, but make sure it's not your barber or hair dresser of 20 years that isn't doing you any favours. It sounds shallow, but if you don't believe it, just trust me in the numbers of people I coach, first impressions do matter. As I always say, " You are your best billboard"

If you don't want to ask your closest family and friends why you aren't able to get a date, then come ask me, I'll give it to you straight. I find my clients are willing to listen to me as the advice I give them is unbiased, and sincere. Most of your friends and family might not want to tell you what needs to change because they don't want to hurt your feelings, perhaps they aren't the best judge of what you should change or not change in your life anyhow. Just sayin'

The other very important aspect about this is like-mindedness. Just an example, we are living in a very health conscious world, like-minded people look for someone that share the same health conscious interests. Those that are on the health and wellness wagon, want to share their time with others that value the importance of attaining or living a healthy lifestyle. This type of profiling becomes even more imperative when dating and looking for a partner in our later years. We are more comfortable in our lives and we understand the importance of sharing our lives with someone that holds the same values and beliefs that we do about how we live. 

Money management. Yes, it's a factor. Many have split their assets in divorces, or have gained wealth and success by this point and are very cognitive about the choices they make in a partner. Money as we know, especially from our younger years in raising families, can cause so many issues. It's part of the process, but there comes a time, when you hope that people have learned how to manage and make money to guarantee their security by now. People aren't jumping into relationships blindly when it comes to assets and finances, there is too much at risk. So, whether you are young or old, get a handle on your finances. 

There are many a topic to discuss when it comes to dating. We will save some of the others for other blog posts. The bottom line is, take the time and money to invest in yourself to find the right partner. Do your homework, more importantly, do the work. Recognize that confidence is the best turn on, so ensure that that's exactly what you exude. Get your ducks in a row on all levels, be the best version of yourself that you know how to be. 

Last but not least, learn to love yourself, when you've done that, the right partner for you will come along. Have a dream, a little faith and hope :)

#CharisOnDating #Dating #Men #relationships #lifecoaching #datingcoaching #love #cosmopolitan #huffingtonpost #vogue #canadianliving #zoomermagazine